Fixing the iRiver H10 20GB MP3 Player

I decided to buy a new toy for myself this weekend. The product: iriver's H10 20GB MP3 Player. I arrived at home and charged it up only to turn it on and realize that the blasted thing would not work out of the box. I struggled for three hours searching online, upgrading firmware, and sitting on the phone with tech support, all with the same outcome: a brick which would could not get past a screen which says "BOOT 1.01 MTP Initialize." In frustration I cried out, but unfortunately for me, Staples was closed by the time I decided to return it. In one last-ditch effort, I scoured the interweb and found instructions for getting my $200 paperweight to play music.